Steward of The King

Driving

2012-01-27T21:11:00.000-05:00

My mother used to tell me about what it was like growing up on a tobacco farm. My grandfather was a tobacco farmer and often employed many of his family members and relative to work the tobacco during the summers. My mother was too young to working in the fields, so her job was to drive the tractor back and forth between the pack houses and the field while pulling the tobacco trailers. She did not know how to stop or start the tractor, so someone at the field had to get it moving in gear for her and then jump off. She would steer is to the pack houses several miles down the road where someone else would jump on the moving tractor and take it out of gear to stop it.

It was my mother who first taught me how to drive a car. My father would let us sit in his lap and steer while on the farm, but it was my mother who first put me behind the wheel and took me out on my own. Years before I was of legal age to get a permit, much less a drivers license, I was driving several miles down the road by myself hauling loads of firewood or a lawn mower to earn some spending money. Now that I have a son of my own, I can truly marvel at the trust and confidence my parent had in me at a very young age.

I think the stories my mother told me about driving the tractor on the farm, and my own experience of starting to drive at a young age says something about the quality of trust my parents and grandparent had in their children. It also shows the value they placed on working and providing for the family. They wanted their children to learn at a young age how to work and earn an honest living more than they cared about the hazards that were involved in doing so. Today, I think our culture places a greater emphasis on a child’s welfare than on developing his or her maturity level. In modern society we tell children not to play in the street, where as in the past, we taught children to get out of the way when a truck was coming.

If I Die Young

2011-08-21T22:32:00.004-04:00

A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell them for a dollar.

They're worth so much more after I', a goner.

And Maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'

Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'

"If I Die Young" by The Band Perry

Friday morning I was seeing the the still body of a man who felt his story would be heard louder coming from the grave. The horror and impact that suicide has on us comes not from graphic scenes. Although is may be rare for the body to end it's earthly existence peacefully, it is not the sight of a lifeless corps that touches us deeply. It is the questions of what pain and miseries this mind must have endured to be driven to seek relief in an act that contradicts our deepest nature. Our bodies have adrenaline, reflexes, and a fear of danger that drives us to want to survive. So when we see someone who intentionally walks down the road that leads to obvious death, it impacts us in a powerfully strange way. It make me want to pause and listen to the last words that that person felt most important for me to know. Perhaps also, it is what they felt least able to be heard or understood on. And so hear the words of a man standing in death's doorway and calling back a final time to the land of the living. Ponder them and let them influence your every relationship. Remember them when you pass the stranger on the street or your best friend at church.

"This house used to be filled with so much laughter, music, and love. Now it is as empty and quiet as the grave. There is simply nothing left inside of it, just as there is nothing left inside of me. I cannot remember the last time I didn't feel alone anymore. I cannot remember the last time I have slept without a nightmare either. There are so many people who love me, but I hate myself so much that the balance is hopelessly askew. I have given everything I have to this life. I have learned many things, I have shared in timeless moments. . . Now that I have found myself back in this place alone, the ghosts of my past are my only company. The mind is a fragile thing, and I know that mine is unwell. I have asked for help. I have called out in every way I know how. I won't ever understand why it was all taken away from me. Perhaps there just isn't a reason, and that fills me with such pain. . . I was an honest man. I did the right thing whenever I could. I have spent my entire life living up to the expectations of others as best I could. I wish I'd been stronger, but my sadness is simply too much. I am exhausted and welcome the call of a never ending sleep. Please forgive me."

The Courtship

2010-06-07T21:07:00.003-04:00

How does a single man end up courting? As a single person without anyone, finding that someone special seems daunting to say the least. If you talk to a couple about how they came together, every thing makes sense and it seems it was easy for them. Indeed, looking back on it now, it does seem like things fell into place almost naturally, but this is most defiantly not the case.

Whole books have been written on this subject and I don’t pretend to be an expert of any sort. I can however, tell my story. Every story is different because every story is specificity tailored by God for that individual. The miracle that occurs when you find someone that so perfectly complements you is never repeated twice in the same way. The fact that two people from completely different families and backgrounds could end up sharing their life together is indeed a testament of God at work every time it happens.

I think first something needs to be said about marriage. There are two very different views that most young men have of marriage. The one kind of guy is the steady, settled kind who wants nothing more out of life than to be comfortably content. He will openly admit that he wants a wife and will pursue girls in order to fulfill this goal. His verse is Proverbs 18:22, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” This kind of guy can fall into the trap of trying to earn happiness and God’s favor by getting a wife.

The other kind of guy is the radicals I once was, who want to pursue God with his whole heart, mind, and body and therefore holds onto 1 Corinthians 7: “It is good for a man not to marry” and only if “they cannot control themselves, they should marry”. His view of marriage is that it is for weak men who cannot control their own desire and so this kind of guy will not pursue marriage, nor even admit he wants to be married. While on the surface, an undivided devotion to God seems admirable, at the root lies arrogance and an sinful ambition for his own greatness.

Somewhere in between these two extremes is what Kevin DeYoung calls “the plodding visionary”. That rare kind of person who is perfectly content with whatever meager life God has given him, yet stands ready and willing to dare great things or sacrifice everything for God’s glory.

I have this theory about guys. I think that either consciously or unconsciously, one of the ways men size each other up when they first meet, is to decide if he could beat the other guy in a brawl or whether the other guy would beat him. On that other hand, one of the ways a man sizes up a woman that he meets is to decide whether he could marry her or not. To prove my point, think about the way guys describe a girl – “she’s a cutie” verses describing a guy – “He’s strong-as-an-ox”.

So, every guy is always “checking out the girls”, whether he is willing to admit it or not. When I first meet Abigail Hinds, she fell into the long line of “no never” or “maybe someday”. There was no instant attraction or sparks. In fact, the only faded memory I can now recall is how much better a dancer she was than I.

The only point I can reach back to for a beginning, was at a friend’s wedding that both Abby and I attended. I did not speak to her at all during the wedding or reception and barely saw her the entire day. As everyone was leaving, I stopped to talk with the father of the bride. He mentioned that I needed to find me a wife and ask what I thought of the girl in the green dress. I told him I had not seen a girl in a green dress, but my curiosity was aroused. It was only later I remembered Abby was wearing a pale green dress. This was prehaphs the beginning of Abby moving into the “Why not?” category.

Throughout the summer I refused to admit to myself that Abby was growing on me. During the late summer, my sister and I took a vacation to Montana to visit old friends and I liked it out there so much, I decided to come back after New Years and work on their ranch for a while. Abby was still on my mind, but more as a “yeah, that would probably never happen” kind of thought and I refused to let it influence my decision to go back to Montana.

That fall, there was yet another wedding that Abby and I were both participating in. The “why not?” question was so burning in my mind by now that I decided to act on it. I watched her throughout the rehearsal dinner, wedding, and reception, but I could not think of anything proper to say to her. I did ask if she had been dancing lately while we were sitting at the same table during the dinner, but that was all. After the wedding, Abby stopped for a minute as she was leaving and ask me about a prank I had played on the groom. On the drive home after that, I realized that I had a growing interest in her any needed to do something about it.

I deliberated over it for another three weeks before deciding to act. During this time I went through Abby’s entire Facebook account and blog trying to learn as much as I could about her. I found her father on Facebook, and not knowing any other way of getting hold of him without raising undue suspicion, I sent him a friend request. Seeing as I had never met the man and he did not know I existed, he promptly deleted my friend request. I tried the same tactic with her brother and received the same results. I had wanted to be very formal in my request to “get to know” Abby, but seeing no other way for it, I send her father a Facebook message basically saying: “I don’t know you and you don’t know me, but I want to get to know your daughter”.

Thankfully, Mr. Hinds is a very generous man and actually agreed to meet with me. Wanting my family to remain unaware that anything was afoot, I took the truck and left the house early one morning to “go hunting”. Instead, I drove all the way to Raleigh to meet Mr. Hinds for breakfast. Of course I got there long before the scheduled time and sat on a bench in front of the restaurant until Mr. Hinds came. I introduced myself and shook his hand and we when in and ordered our food. We had a wonderful conversation. A summary what I had to say would be something to this affect: “Hi, I’m John Paul Taylor. I don’t have a job. I don’t have any money. I am living with my parents right now and I am leaving for Montana in a few months. Can I court your daughter?” Much to my surprise, he agreed that I could “get to know” Abby as long as I didn’t tip my hand that I had any special interest in her. I did not mention that up to this point I had seen Abby less than half a dozen times in my entire lifetime and knew almost nothing about her.

The following Saturday was a contra dance that Abby and her family attended. I repeatedly tried to get a dance with her without seeming overly interested in her, and was repeatedly cut off. Mr. Hinds, perhaps thinking I was not trying hard enough, came over and shook my hand as he passed a note that read “You can dance with her and even talk to her”. I finally did catch her for a dance and was a happy man.

C. J. Mahaney was speaking at Abby’s church on Sunday which gave me a convenient excuse to go. The following Monday I meet with Mr. and Mrs. Hinds at a restaurant to talk more. I left that evening convinced that it would not work out between me and Abby. There were too many obstacles and I was not at all prepared to be considering marriage. I was very discouraged and suddenly realized how much I had wanted to get married.

One thing that must be said here is you should never take for granted the power of a mother’s prayer. Unknown to me, Abby’s mother had been praying for Abby to find a husband and my mother was praying just as hard that I would find a wife. In spite of my best laid plans, God grabbed me by the scuff of the neck and turned my head in Abby’s direction and would soon do the same for Abby. While I could try to explain the small things about Abby that stood out and attracted my attention, taken as a whole, they cannot account for what was going on in my heart. God had put a desire there and made it unshakable.

The other thing that brought me too a courtship was Abby’s parents. I think most father’s would see it as their job to evaluate a potential suitor and determine if he meets a certain criteria in order to marry their daughter or not. Mr. Hinds on the other hand, saw his job as being to take me as I was and to whip me into shape and make me ready to marry, his daughter or anyone else’s. Mrs. Hinds took an active roles in not only creating opportunities for me to spend time around Abby, but providing helpful hints and suggestion along the way.

On November 22, 2009, Abby parent told her that I wanted to court her and she joyfully agreed.

The Busy Life

2009-10-23T21:42:00.002-04:00

Ask me or anyone else on just about any given week how I have been and the answer will almost certainly include the word “busy”. It had not occurred to me, until it was pointed out recently, that we almost idolizes being busy. I am very guilty of this. I have an unnatural fear of not constantly doing something, almost as if my significance is somehow tied up in how productive I am. On the surface, this appears to be a very good thing; after all, no one likes an idle person. The problem is that a preoccupation in the task at hand can cause me to loose my bearings on what is really worth taking time for. I become obsessed in reaching a goal and valuable moments are allowed to slip by without due thought or enjoyment. I am not arguing for the opposite extreme, which would be a lazy sluggard, but for the equal balance that must be found in so many other areas of our life.

At the root of the matter is an enhanced awareness of being alive and a deeper thankfulness and appreciation of God. Taking the time to enjoy a good meal or a cup of coffee, noticing the sunrise and the beginning of each new day. More important than this awareness of sights, sounds, tastes and smells around us, is an awareness of the people. We were created to interact one with another. That is why high-tech supplements such as cell phone and social networking are so popularly. However, they remain enhancements and are not substitutes for real community and people getting together face to face. People are the only thing on this earth that will remain in eternal, and so sacrificing our busyness to take time for them is a worthwhile exchange.

The Foolishness of Youth

2009-10-21T23:01:00.004-04:00

It struck me recently that there are very few good things said in the Bible about the words and deed of your youth. Here are a few examples:

“For you write bitter things against me and make me inherit the iniquities of my youth” (Job 13:26)

“Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions; according to your steadfast love remember me, for the sake of your goodness, O Lord.” (Psalm 25:7)

“Rejoice, O young man, in your youth, and let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth. Walk in the ways of your heart and the sight of your eyes. But know that for all these things God will bring you into judgment. Remove vexation from your heart, and put away pain from your body, for youth and the dawn of life are vanity.” (Ecclesiastes 11:9-10)

It is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth. Let him sit alone in silence when it is laid on him; let him put his mouth in the dust— there may yet be hope” (Lamentations 3:27-29)

So many times I have felt like Jeremiah who said, “Ah, Lord God! Behold, I do not know how to speak, for I am only a youth.” (Jeremiah 1:6) The Lord answered him by saying, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you. . .Do not say, ‘I am only a youth’; for to all to whom I send you, you shall go, and whatever I command you, you shall speak. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you.” (Jeremiah 1:5,7-8) Then also Paul writes to Timothy, “Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.” (I Timothy 4:12) Then later he say, “So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.” (II Timothy 2:22)

There is hope for me!

Gun-control and the use of Deadly Force

2009-10-10T11:49:00.004-04:00

Here is a post I have thought about, but avoided for several reason, the main one being that I had not fully settled all the “what if’s” in my own mind. This may seem strange since I serve overseas in a war zone, but I am going to give a stab at it now (no pun intended). It should be clear from the get go that I do not hold my views on the use of violence and deadly force as superior to any other person’s. I have friends that I respect and admire who hold views that range from pacifists all the way to the other end of the spectrum and everywhere in between.

Something I found very helpful when weighing this issue in my own mind was something John Piper pointed out about Christian suffering. Lamentations 3:22-23 say that “the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” God is faithful to give us the new mercies every morning for the day to come.

Looking at martyrs such as Jim Elliot, who chose to died rather that to us the rifle they had to defend himself and his companions, I can say with all truthfulness that I would not be able to endure something like that. However, God has promised that if He calls us to endure something, he will also give us the grace to endue it. The same can be said for any of the “what if” situation I might dream up. Right now, I may not know what the right response would be under certain circumstances, but I trust God would give me the grace and ability at such a time to act rightly.

I can say whole heartedly and without a shadow of a doubt that I believe in owning guns. Aside from recreational uses, part of being a man or woman is at times a call to defend. Sometime this can mean physically and at the cost of a life and it is therefore your responsibility to have the tools and skill to do so.

The waters become mudded when it comes to listing what is worth defending at the cost of another person’s life. I do not think I could justify defending my own life. For me to live is Christ and to die is gain. For the one threatening my life, to live is their only hope, for to die will be a certainty of hell.

I believe in capital punishment and in the police and military’s right to use deadly force. These citizens have taken an oath to uphold the law and are therefore God’s instruments of justice here on earth (Romans 13), though they may abuse this power. This is why I could justly kill an enemy while in the military.

I believe in the use of deadly force to protect innocent life. If someone else’s life was in certain danger and the only way to protect them was to kill their attacker, I would do so. It would be have to be a last resort and even then there are exceptions, perhaps the most obvious being abortion.

I believe in using deadly force to fight for a just cause. This is an extremely rare case, but I think that at times God brings a people to a “flash point” and that they are wrong not to act. Large scale examples of this would be the American Revolution and the Civil War. In these instances, people were united and motivated by just cause for the better of them all, instead of a just seeking personal fame, fortune, and power.

Community

2009-10-02T23:36:00.001-04:00

Community is a word with almost no meaning anymore. In an age of individualism, where we are out to pick ourselves up by our own bootstraps, there is no room for having a community. Indeed, when deciding on major issues such as our where we live and work, community is usually at the bottom of the list and if it is thought of at all, it is in relationship to a crime rate. Community has gone the way of the extended family in our country and we now live in neighborhoods, not communities. Anyone can be neighbors simple by proximity, but that does not make it a community. What is community and what should it look like? It is a sharing of personal property and time for a common good. It is taking serious interest in each other lives beyond curious prying. It is fellowshipping, sacrificing, sharing and living life to the fullest. It is all this and so much more. I am so thankful that I have had the grandest of opportunities to grow up in a real community, flawed and in the rough as it is. But I still wonder, what more there must be out there that we are missing out on in this gift of God to mankind we call a community.

Radical Life

2009-09-27T23:19:00.003-04:00

Everyone wants to live their life radically. While the goals and methods of doing this significantly vary, you will never find an individual who says, “I hope to live a plain, uneventful life that hopefully has minimal impact.” A bumper stickers I once saw read, "LIFE IS NOT A JOURNEY TO THE GRAVE WITH THE INTENTION OF ARRIVING SAFELY IN A PRETTY AND WELL PRESERVED BODY, BUT RATHER TO SKID IN BROADSIDE, THOROUGHLY USED UP, TOTALLY WORN OUT, AND LOUDLY PROCLAIMING: ‘WOW...WHAT A RIDE!’”

I fully believe that God has instill us with certain instincts for our good and in order to fulfill His purpose. Without the interpretation of God's Word, these instincts will lead us astray, but I believe they also tell us about who God meant us to be. Some people will wonder through their whole life searching for meaning and significance, unable to see that God has given us all the purpose and significance we could every want in serving Him. While it is easy to write and talk about living radical lives of service, what does a life like this look like practically? Often with me, there is a lot passion and talk, but there is also fear, laziness, and a desire for comfort and security. At the root of the matter is holding our hearts focus in such a manner that every moment of every day, every conversation, every action, and every thought become a way to serve God and serve other people. It is striving toward the goal of demonstrating in the way we live our lives, the way we speak, the way we spend our time and money, that God is our greatest treasure and our higher aim is to bring Him all the glory.

American Christianity

2009-09-15T23:30:00.005-04:00

Recently, I listened to Paul Washer's message on American Christianity. It is, I believe, our default mode when truth is heard, to turn around and want to share it. This is a good and natural thing, but what is not natural is to carefully evaluate our own life first in light of it. In the world and some churches today, Jesus Christ is seen only as the ticket to a better life and heaven and we become the ticket sellers. If this is the case, once you have your ticket and your place in heaven is reserved, you can live any way you feel until the show starts. Jesus said "wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." (Matthew 7:13-14) How much does the way we live our lives portray an image of a small gate but with the broad road to destruction beyond? In other words, we hold out Jesus as the only way to eternal life for people, yet live our lives in a manner indistinguishable from everybody else, comparing our holiness to one another instead of the Bible. It is a sobering thought to consider if my life is flavored with radical saltiness and shines with the radical light of Jesus Christ, or if, for the sake of my own comfort, convenience, tolerance, or acceptance, I have lulled someone toward an eternal hell.

Humility

2009-09-08T22:19:00.003-04:00

I read CJ Mahaney's little book on humility while in Montana and have once again been reminded of how central humility must be and how prideful my tendencies are. I heard someone once compare an examination of humility in our live to be like peeling an onion. You peel off one layer, only to find another and another. I can think I am humble because I don't boast about myself, but do I think like a humbly person? I can think humbly of myself but take pride in my humility, so am I really humble? It seems like the deeper I dig, pride will always turn up in one form or another. If this is not proof of my total depravity, I don't know what is. I must constantly be reminded of this or else I will forget that my only hope for anything good to come out of me is in God's sovereign grace over my life. When I forget this, it become a constant struggle to avoid sin and an adherence to religion takes the place of adherence to God. My joy becomes based on my good works or situation and not God's work for me. As has been pointed out before, my greatest enemy is indeed John Paul.

God's Gift of Friends

2009-09-05T23:11:00.004-04:00

On this glorious occasion of a wedding, it reminds me of how thankful I am to be blessed enough to know such people. Second only to God's gift of Himself through Jesus Christ, I am most glad for the His gift of His people to me. It would indeed be a lonely, hard road to walk through this life without the joy and happiness that can be found when people gather together who have a mutual affection and passion for Jesus Christ and who can worship and celebrate together all the good thing He has given us. It is moments like this that make life worth living and the trail and heart-aches of this world more than worth bearing by getting a foretaste of things to come after this life. "I can only imagine."

The Faith of the "Better Season"

2009-09-01T03:18:00.004-04:00

I have been away from my church for a few weeks and during this time I have had the chance to hear from some other Christians who hold a different view of God. As always, it provided refreshing insight into my own set ways and beliefs. The underlying current that struck me was the idea that God will bless you for following him. The implication is that if you are not being blessed, than it is God's judgement. Christ becomes just the ticket to the show, a way to prosperity and heaven.

To our human minds it all seems to make sense, God blesses the good and curses the bad. Close your eyes for the moment it even seems right, but open you eyes and look around at the pain filled lives of real people and you have to stop short. Bad things continue to happen to good people.

How can I tell a grieving mother with her only son in the grave yard that God only wants joy and happiness on earth for her. Will the idea that there is always a "better season" to come if she just has faith, sustain her in her loss? No wonder people are walking out of church. The propriety gospel sounds good when life is easy, and on the surface, it is hard to find anything wrong with what is said. What is so terribly wrong, is what is left unsaid. The focus becomes on our actions and not on God. Pride in our deeds takes hold, our faith becomes shallow and Jesus pointless. If there is no spiritual deadness, than there is no necessity for a bloody sacrifice. If Jesus wants everyone to go to heaven, why hasn't God the father got the word? If I just acknowledge God, everything will work itself out, so there is no reason to lay down my life, just a Christ laid down His for me. My only hope becomes worldly success in order to have any outward sign of God's favor towards me and if that is my hope, I might as well die.

Rather, let me hear about a God that blows my mind, one that I cannot get my head around. Let me run to him and lay down every earthly ambition for His glory. Give me a bloody cross as my banner to carry into the fight and to plant on every hill as my proof of God's love. And if necessary, make my life a living hell so that no one might say that God only loves those whom He blesses with earthly gains.

Turning A Battle Ship

2009-08-07T09:35:00.001-04:00

I heard Kevin DeYoung give his talk on “Just Do Something” some months ago and have just now read his book by the same title. His points during the talk were simple and the book is small and therefore contains very little that I had not heard previously. Still, it was a good reminder and as often happens, you see things in a slightly new light the second time.

In both his book and talk, DeYoung makes the simple argument that there is no “Will of God” for our lives beyond what He has commanded through the Bible. St. Augustine put it this way: “Love God, and do what you want”, meaning; as long as it is not sinful, whatever you want to do is part of the will of God for your life. A lot fall under the “love God” part and we must seek for the wisdom, which He has promised to give us, in order to judge our own motives, even if what we want is not inherently sinful. The aim is to encourage Christians, especially young guys like me, to stop wasting their lives by tinkering around, blaming their apathy on a search for God’s Will or calling.

As friend once told me, “Just as it is impossible to turn a battle ship that is dead in the water, so you must be moving forward in order for God to direct your life.”

Why Not College?

2009-07-30T08:52:00.003-04:00

With a free ride to college on the GI Bill, why not go to college? So many people have to struggle and work hard just to have enough money for a college degree, it would be crazy for me to pass on such an opportunity. I am still sitting the fence somewhat on the issue, but here are the advantages of a college education as I see them and the reasons I have chosen not to seek a degree. (At least not right now.)

First, a college level education is require in order to hold many jobs such as a doctor or a lawyer. I am not interested in this type of career. A second reason is that statistically, college graduates get better jobs and make more money that people who have not attended. Again, this tends to apply mostly to the administration type jobs in the big city that I wish to avoid and making the most money I possibly can is not on my t0-do list. Third advantage I see in having a college degree, is that it is easier to get hired. While this may be true as a whole, I know quite a few college graduates who are finding it difficult to get hired. From my own limited experience, I have found that being willing to work hard at whatever you do, can carry you just as far in the job world as a piece of paper saying you have acually completed something in your life.

Other ideas that I have either heard or read have helped to reinforce my decision to put off college for now. The are so many people who get a degree for one thing and end up finding out they hate that kind of work so they do something else. There seems to be this idea in our culture that you will never be successful unless you have been to college. Part of it comes from those people back in the day who wanted to send there kids to college just so that they would have an easier life. How many time have we heard, "you don't want to end up doing ______ all you life do you?" as a threat if we don't go to college. Now days, college seem to be more of a thing you must suffer through in order to get a job that will pay you the most for doing the least amount of real work. Just look around and you will see that the most successful and happy people are not the ones with the "good jobs", but the guys who are not afraid of getting their hands dirty and who have a healthy dose of common sense and personal ingenuity. Our culture tends to ridicule the painters, plumbers, carpenters, mechanics and other manual labor jobs as being inferior. However, as we as a culture become educated to the point of forgetting how (or just becoming to lazy) to change the oil in a car or unstop a clogged toilet, these are the people who will continue to happily thrive at their jobs.

Perfect Fulfillment

2009-07-22T21:22:00.002-04:00

I do not know if it is exclusive to certain people, just a guy thing, or what, but there is this drive I have for perfect fulfillment in everything. I am thankful for this or else I would end up a penniless sluggard for lack of doing anything, but I also envy the person who can take what they have and be content. For me, broken things have to be fixed, old things have to be repaired, and no matter what I have, I always want to improve upon it. My sense of fulfillment in life becomes tied up in accomplishing these things. This may appear on the outside as a good gift, but in it are the roots of many evils. Nothing is every perfect in this sinful, fallen world. No matter how new something is, it will eventually break, and more likely sooner than later. Even non-material things like relationships are always shot full of problems. The danger is that I will give to much time and effort to these things and never be happy or that the sense of how endless this work is will take hold and push me into despairing. Like everything in life, there is a delicate balance we must keep in order to avoid the extremes at either end. For me this means knowing when enough is enough and keeping in my mind the things that transcend this world with it's numerous imperfections.

Radical Reshaping around Gospel and Community

2009-06-30T10:30:00.005-04:00

I have just finished reading Total Church, A Radical Reshaping around Gospel and Community by Tim Chester and Steve Timmis. In this book, to be centered around the gospel means to be word-centered and mission-centered. Word centered because God speaks through the words of Bible, not only to save us, but to give us the instructions for life. Mission centered because our reason for existence is to spread the glory of God through the proclaiming of His word. We are also to be community centered because we are not individuals, but rather part of the body of Christ, the church.

"Being both gospel-centered and community-centered might mean:

-seeing church as an identity instead of a responsibility to be juggled alongside other commitments

-celebrating ordinary life as the context in which the word of God is proclaimed with "God-talk" as a normal feature of everyday conversation

-running fewer evangelistic events, youth clubs, and social projects and spending more time sharing our lives with unbelievers

-starting new congregations instead of growing existing ones

-preparing Bible talks with other people instead of just studying alone at a desk

-adopting a 24-7 approach to mission and pastoral care instead of starting ministry programs

-switching the emphasis from Bible teaching to Bible learning and action.

-spending more time with people on the margins of society

-learning to disciple on another - and to be discipled - day by day

-having churches that are messy instead of churches that pretend"

(p.18)

Being mission-centered "'turns inside out and upside down some of the common ways in which we are accustomed to think about the Christian life. . . It constantly forces us to open our eyes to the big picture, rather than shelter in the cosy narcissism of our own small worlds.'

-We ask, 'Where does God fit into the story of my life?,' when the real question is 'Where does my little life fit into the great story of God's mission?'

-We want to be driven by a purpose that has been tailored just right for our own individual lives, when we should be seeing the purpose of all life, including our own, wrapped up in the great mission of God for the whole of creation.

-We talk about 'applying the Bible to our lives.' What would it mean to apply our lives to the Bible instead, assuming the Bible to be the reality - the real story - to which we are called to conform ourselves?

-We wrestle with 'making the gospel relevant to the world.' But in this story, God is about the business of transforming the world to fit the shape of the gospel.

-We argue about what can legitimately be included in the mission that God expects from the church, when we should ask what kind of church God wants for the whole range of his mission.

-I may wonder what kind of mission God has for me, when I should be asking what kind of me God wants for his mission."

(p.35)

What if we lived our lives as if we were missionaries living in another country and culture? Would we worry about getting the best education and the highest paying job? Would we buy the best house we could afford? Would we be as bothered by the insignificant, everyday worries. How would we view and pursue evangelism? How would we respond to personal hardships? How important would the community of fellow believers become? How would it change our daily devotions and walk with God?

In short, why would we live so much different in another culture as missionaries than we do right here at home? Nothing changes, our ultimate goal in life should still be to glorify God by living missional lives for Him.

The Problem of Life

2009-06-25T00:54:00.005-04:00

My life has been wonderful the past few months. Three great conferences and a wedding, topped off by a vacation in Guatemala for a week. Now I lie in bed at night and wander what is next. My mind wanders through the things I need to get done. Got to get some new wall joist nailed in and mount a new window in that rotten wall I tore out today. That way I can finish putting up the drywall in the room and then work on the flooring. Also need to cut and nail up new siding boards on the outside and finish painting the exterior of the house. I'd really rather just take a break from the house for a while and finish mowing the cow pasture. Need to clear the area for a new fence Sam wants to build and start setting some posts in the ground so we can run the wire. I really should get a new shed built with the extra lumber so we can move out some of the equipment that is parked under the wood shed right now and get it clear for the firewood this fall. I'm not getting payed for any of this, so I must make time in between to work for the farmer down the road who has been paying me so that I will be saving some money over the summer. Got to settle on what I am going to do for college this fall since application deadlines are coming up. And on and on is goes until I am feeling overwhelmed and depressed by it all.

I wake in the morning, reluctant to drag myself out of bed and tackle these endless jobs. I guess this is life and folks say you just got to suck it up and keep pushing on. If this is life, I will pass and have none of it. "For what does a man get with all his work and all his efforts that he labors with under the sun? For all his days are filled with grief, and his occupation is sorrowful; even at night, his mind does not rest." (Ecclesiastes 2:22-23)

It is at times like this, when I lose sight of the big picture, that the troubles of life creep in and steal my joy. I have to be drawn back and given the ability to see it in the light of eternity and a God that is bigger than it all. That makes my life look small and insignificant and then somehow the problems of life become just as small and insignificant.

Agua Viva Children's Home

2009-06-20T23:55:00.005-04:00

I think it is necessary to clarify that I don't consider the trip to Guatemala to have been a "mission trip". The reason and purpose of missions is to share the good news of Jesus Christ with people who have not heard it. This was not the case on this trip since the Agua Viva (which means Living Water) is very Christian, and the children there are constantly exposed to living examples from visiting church groups as well as the biblical teaching of those who run the home. Still, it gave me a new prospective and love for the worldwide body of Christ and hopefully a greater desire to spread the love of God across the world through real world missions. It was very encouraging to spend time and to be able to serve such wonderful children. To hear and see the living testomies of the effect that mission teams like ours have had through giving of time and money to care for these children.

http://aguavivahome.org/

Reflections from Advace09

2009-06-07T22:30:00.004-04:00

It seems like I have become a conference junky, three conferences in about a months time. I think this can be a bad thing since it can take the place of personal devotion and a commitment to everyday life if you are always living on the highs from one Christian conference to the next. Still, the power of the preached word with the conviction of the Holy Spirit, in a prayerful gathering of God's saints is an awesome and effective thing. Often in my hurry, I don't take the time to stop, put it in park, and let the word of God take hold on me and a conference in many ways forces me to do this.

The Advance09 conference, hosted by Desiring God, Vintage 21, Act 29 Network, and others, was a focused look at advancing the church of God through reviving the boneyard of dead and dieing churches. So many churches have lost their focus, which should be centered on Christ and His gospel, and are now swirling with doctrinal divisions and religious traditions. This has created a toxic, unholy culture within the church and has left it irrelevant to the modern world around us. This problem is particularly obvious in the South where you can find a church on every corner, and an ages and rapidly shrinking congregation within.

Part of the problem is that there is an assumption that people already know the gospel and the nature of God, and so the focus of the preaching within these churches is on the practical issues of living out a christian life. This damns people to a religious pride of "being good" so that they are either blind to or not bothered by their habitual sin. It may also lead to a sense of unfullfillment that results in a disenchantment with the church and a despair in their inability to follow the set of rules. A religious attitude is our default mode and will become the mark of our churches unless there is a continual culture of repentance maintained. When there is not repentance, there is idolatry and heresy.

We are all unceasing worshipers and we get our identity from, and define ourselves by, the things we worship. Idolatry is worshiping anything other than God. Idols are usually a good thing that gets elevate to the level of God in our life, and that makes it a sinful thing. Idols serve as functional saviors and God becomes the means to our idol, in other words, the idol is our reason for our walk with God. An idol is something you are willing to make undue sacrifices for such as money, family, sex, drugs, alcohol, food, morality, people, ministry, and religion just to name a few.

Another reason for the decline of the American church is the fear of the culture and the tendency to "circle the wagons" as the "gates of hell" press in. This is due to the the loss of a broader visions for fulfilling the Great Commission of missions and a preoccupation with local concerns. Missions is the means to worship, just as worship is the fuel of missions. The goal of missions is to spread the glory of God as seen through Jesus Christ to as many people as possible. It is only through the hearing of the Word, the power of pray, and the work of the Holy Spirit that people are saved. God's desire is for His people to see His glory, the pinnacle of which was the act of love and grace on the cross. Missions is how we show God's glory to others, and the church advances.

Online messages from Advance09 conference:

http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/ConferenceMessages/ByConference/45/

Thoughts on Next

2009-05-27T20:41:00.005-04:00

I have just returned from four days in Baltimore, Maryland at Sovereign Grace's Next conference. The worship was powerful, with three different bands performing wonderful songs. Hundreds of Christians packed together with hands raised, singing their hearts out. The testimonies of the people who stood up to tell their story of how Jesus Christ sought them out, were gut wrenching. The deep, rich messages delivered by some of the greatest teachers of our time should be mandatory listening for all Christians.

Yet, there was much to that could be found lacking in paying such a large amount of money for the conference. The bands rocked out with rows of speakers that were deafening, and made it appear more like a concert than a worship service. People jumped and danced around, caught up in the music and the emotions of the moment. In a room of that size, you were forced to watch the speakers on the overhead projectors, which means you might as well just stayed home and downloaded the video and gotten just as much out of it.

So, what was so different about this conference that continues to so deeply impact people year after year. It is because the Spirit of God was there. Alone, the music would be only music. The people would have been play acting hypocrites. The speakers would perhaps been impressive, but most of it would have been over-the-head and their would defiantly been no lasting change in any life. When the Spirit of Christ is present, everything changes and there is a passion instilled in your heart like no other. This revelation came to mind strangely enough when I played ultimate frisby with some of the other young people attending. I admit I was expecting the usual gentle, peace loving church kids. What a thrill when I started getting knocked down, beat up, and exhausted. These people's passion for knowing God translated into everything they did, whether it was a competitive spirit or the thoughtfulness of tipping the maid and giving their extra food to the homeless.

This has left me to wonder how many time in my own church do we focus on the style of worship, the method of preaching, the opportunity to fellowship with friends. Somehow it seems we loose focus on Jesus Christ Himself and the power of His Spirit, and so when the teaching or music does not meet our standards, or the fellowship is not all that great, we become disenchanted. Or more commonly, we just walk away from the Sunday meeting with the feeling that something is missing.

This is why I loved everything about the conference. My prayer would be that every Sunday morning, God would dwell with in such a way that, as Sinclair Ferguson put it, "our hearts would be strangely warmed".

Online messages from Next conference:

http://www.thisisnext.org/resources/

Is there a Cause?

2009-05-15T01:34:00.003-04:00

Is there a cause worthy enough to join or dedicate myself too? How do I decide to which one I should give my time and money. It is an issue that has given me thought because I don't want to be a passive, apathetic Christian. As I look around, there are many worthy causes that are out there. Pro-life, Pro-family, Pro-Constitution...causes for feeding the hungry, reaching lost people for Christ, the list goes on and on. In Genesis 11, the people said "Come, let us build ourselves a city, and a tower with its top in the heavens, and let us make a name for ourselves; otherwise we shall be scattered abroad upon the face of the whole earth." How does this relate to the different causes out there? Well, first of all because some causes are out to do just that, to be heard and make a name for themselves. The others fall into the "let us" catagory. Let us. . . hold a rally, a march, a protest, a whatever. In otherwords, they are saying our power and ability to do good is in being heard, finding the stength in numbers, and that the most vocal side wins. I believe this was the mistake that was the downfall of the people at Babel. God is the one who calls people to do His work, He is our stength to do good and make a difference, and He always wins! Joining a cause is only a good idea if it recognizes this truth.

Notes from The Truth Project

2009-05-10T21:36:00.003-04:00

Here follows some of the points, summary of notes, and personal thoughts from Dr. Del Tackett's teaching this past weekend at The Truth Project training conference:

-We live in a culture of tolerance which says that if I don't tell you that you are wrong, then you don't tell me that I am wrong.

-We tend to turn away from God when what they see about the nature of God doesn't match with their own desires.

-A right knowledge of the truths about God will lead a person to either repentance and transformation, or depression and despair. This is why many people don't want to hear about the truth and others are checking out of life.

-When transformation is the result of the knowledge of the truth, our true selves and our culture are exposed, and it creates people who are world-changers.

-The major obstacles to living significant, world changing lives:

1. Hungering for to live the fake life of this world

2. Natural myopia - not being able to look beyond yourself

3. A persistent sin that is left unaddressed

4. Apathy that come from living for yourself

5. Fear. . . of venerability, of losing face, fear of man.

-We are the most connected generation of people ever through modern technology, yet we are arguably also the loneliest generation, since we have forgotten how to have meaningful relationships and instead live self-centered lives of seeking our own happiness.

-Each of us is born with a hunger for significance that can only be satisfied in God.

-Every time we try to defy the laws of God, the effect is unavoidable. In the physical realm this effect is immediate, for example trying to defy the law of gravity. In the social realm, the effect may not be immediate, but it is just as unavoidable.

-A good thing cannot be called good unless it is used the way God intended and designed it.

-Two things are decisive in defining our worldview: how we think about who man is and who who God is.

-According to a poll, 80% of Christians walk away from their faith after attending college. This is due to a lack of having the confidence of a truth based worldview which leads to falling captive to assumptive lies.

From personal experience, that percentage is significantly higher in the military. So should we avoid secular institutions in order to protect ourselves and our faith from exposure to the lies and wrong thinking? No, we should arm ourselves with the truths of God, verify that it is based in the heart and not just a public profession, and expose the blindness of our culture with the truth in a loving and graceful way. This done is through building real relationships with people, praying with them and for them by name, that God would do His work in them. By living a selfless life of total submission to God and a willingness to be a stepping stone for others. By looking at people as prisoners of the world they live in and needing the truths of God to set them free. Not judging them by the first thoughts that cross our mind when we meet them. By avoiding all pride that would lead to ungraciousness, haughtiness, and an unwillingness to live our lives in a way that makes God look glorious. Our goal is not the survival of our selves and our faith, but to live in our world in such a way that God will can take hold of us and use us to storm the gates. How do we do this? As Dr. Tackett put it "I have no clue, but God does and there is no higher calling."

The Woods Between the Worlds

2009-05-07T23:55:00.002-04:00

In some form or another each of us exists in our own little world, we call them lives. These worlds are shaped by where we live, what we have done, and the people we know. Unconciously, varying parameter and laws are set up in our minds to govern our little worlds. We usually only share these worlds with our friends and family. Friends are really just people who live in similar worlds, who think as we do, or with whom we share some other "common ground". While there is a desire in us to know what other people's lives are like, there is also a repushion to anyone or anything that might alter or polute our little world. There is safety in what is known and familiar. I belive that someone who lives their whole life from inside their little world has cheated themselves. Sometimes a life alter event breaks us out of our shell and help us see the forest beyond the trees, and we are the better for it. To see and understand the different worlds other people live in does not require a jouney to a diffent country or culture. All around us are people and while some may share a similiar world, many other have seen and experienced things we can only dream of in ours. So, why not do something adventurous the next time I get the chance, and try to step into a world outside of my own. Who knows, I may learn something new and maybe someday, someone will want to stop by my little boring world.

P.T.S.D.

2009-05-03T23:27:00.006-04:00

So here is a touchy subject, the effects of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder on veterans. The reason it is touchy is because the ones who can best make levelheaded evaluation on the subject are the ones not suffering from it. On the other hand, how can someone make any fair evaluation of its effects without having experienced it. The ones who are vocal about it sometimes have a motive for wanting people to think they are sick, and the ones who really have it are either unaware of it or reluctant to admit it. It is generally viewed as a sign of weakness, and therefore a source of embarrassment. I am not the one who should make the call one way or another, but that doesn't keep me from forming my own opinions. The military changes a person and that is a fact, but how this change affect individuals varies. Combat aside, whether you have served in the military or not, everyone will be affected to some degree by PTSD. Life is no bed of roses and traumatic events will occur like it or not. The ability to handle these difficulties varies by the individual and is not based on how strong or weak their mental and emotional control is. As researchers look to learn more about PTSD and ways to counteract is affects on people, there are some interesting questions raised. Would we really want a drug or medicine that removes all effects of life changing events? What kind of world would we live in where our action and experiences left no impression on our mind or emotions?

Mind over Emotions

2009-04-30T23:21:00.004-04:00

How much does our mind control our emotions? How deeply do our experiences shape the way we think? What do we base our judgements on and how do we know if we are right or wrong? As cultures and society changes, the people they produce vary also. Someone could argue almost any point and find someway to logically back it up, so God gave the Bible as a guide book to live by. While many things are clearly stated, some of it has been left up to interpretations. These interpretations are always ultimately based on what the interpreter believe to be right, in spite of claims of being based elsewhere. So why is there so much disunity among Christians over the unclear issues? I think it is because the ideas and ways of thinking are based on passed experiences and influences, which obviously vary from person to person. The question must be asked, is it right to stand firmly on what you cannot validate beyond an emotional feeling or biased explanation? The old say is that if you don't stand for something, you will fall anything. I think you must form opinions and ultimately take sides, in other words, be hot or cold, but not luke warm. However, at the same time you must also be willing to change your position should further experience or logic sway your thinking. You must decide on which issues you can see the wrong and right beyond a shadow of a doubt and those that you choice to take a side, but are unwilling to fight over.

An Extended Family

2009-04-19T21:45:00.004-04:00

Throughout my life, I have been extremely thankful to have a few people who, for no particular reason have taken an invested interest in my life. While at some points in my life, I have chosen to ignore my own parents, it is almost impossible to turn your back on a whole extended family of people who genuinely care who you are and what you do. Had it not been for these generous people, I would be much less of a person than I am and I wish to thank them for this extraordinary gift. It also leads me to wonder about who have I invested in and really care about. I am often so caught up in my own needs being meet that I have overlooked those around me when I am in a position to speak into their lives. The saying goes that impression without expression leads to depression and I have found that to be mostly true. When someone gives of themselves for you, you turn around and give of yourself to other people, and the end result is a deeper sense of fulfillment in your life. If indeed God gave his all for me, the least I can do is to give my utmost to help others, and the more contented my life will be.

Doing Big Things

2009-04-15T23:06:00.004-04:00

I have sometimes considered the idea of being a missionary to another people in another country. It seems like it would be adventurous, even dangerous, which always gets me excited. I want to always know that I am alive. This means doing things that create a rush of adrenaline, that help me fell the sadness of someones heartache, or anything that stirs the heart and challenges the mind. However, often I think I get to caught up in looking for the big, broad things and loose focus on the small important ones. Experience has taught that I can feel just as useless and insignificant on a battlefield as I do at home in bed. A lasting sense of satisfaction and fulfillment are only to be found by focusing on our little corner of the world in which we have been place. When we concentrate on digging deep where we are at, the broader effect of our lives will be of real significances. Right now, that means to me working on meaningful relationships with the people I take for granted all the time.

Why Blog?

2009-04-15T01:02:00.000-04:00

When so much of our life is use up these days by staring into a computers sceen, why start something that will take up even more time? In the age of internet social lives, why risk falling into the rut of blogging about stuff, more than you actually do stuff? I feel like the more I interact in the real world, the less time I want to spend in the superficial internet world. Well, the reason I am starting a blog is that I have a desire to write about stuff that is on my mind.

I never could keep a jounal, it felt sort of like trying to write a story with not idea of what the theme was or where it was going. Plus, emotions always got in the way, and I would end up leaving out the really important parts because at the time it felt to personal to put down on paper. With a blog however, I can have the freedom to write whatever random thing is on my mind whenever I want to. The best part about it is that someone else may read it.